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Life is precious

Yeah I know.  I haven’t posted in a LONG time!  I’ve been pretty darn busy.  Work, toddler, new photography business and just, well, life.  I also didn’t want to bombard people with numerous amounts of different posts.  Then I remembered something I told myself when I first started this blog…who cares?!  Read if you want or ignore, I do this as an outlet for me, I like to write, and some people actually do like to read it which is really cool.  I recently had someone tell me she liked reading my posts and missed them.  How cool is that?!  So here I am, and guess what I want to write about today?  You guessed it!  My son!

Life has been really good lately.  I mean, look, I know people will roll their eyes when they read that sentence but I don’t mean my life is perfect. It’s not perfect, no one’s is!  But life has just been really good lately!  I’ve been happy, really happy.  There are definitely moments when I feel overwhelmed with some things and want to rip my hair out but overall it’s been great.  Andrew can drive me bonkers, like “why are you screaming and crying and throwing yourself on the floor, kid?”  Or, “Oh my god, for the fiftieth time, get that out of your mouth!”  Or even, “How many times do I have to say no?!”  Ha!  We all have those moments, it’s just a part of parenting.  Why is it that he wakes up at 6 am when I stay home with him but the two days I have to work and need to be out the door by 7:15, I literally have to wake him up at 7.  It’s nearly impossible to get a toddler changed, clothed, milk in hand, packed, etc. in 15 minutes.  Ai yi yi!

BUT, then there are times, hours, even days when he is the cuuuuutest kid alive.  I mean, everyone thinks their own kid is the cutest kid alive, and that’s a good thing!  He really is though ;).  Yesterday was an all around great day.  We skipped Stroller Strides which I hate doing, but sometimes you just have errands to run and need to be back home by nap time otherwise your day will be a disaster.  So we skipped class and ran our errands.  We went to Target, JoAnns, the bank, the grocery store, got gas, and made it home by 11:15.  Yes!  We had some lunch and Andrew went down by noon.  I prepped dinner while he napped and even had time to do some crafting for photography props.  When he woke up we played.  Just played, for like a couple of hours until dad got home.  Sometimes we get so caught up in getting stuff done that we don’t stop and just play.  I mean, he’s two for Peete’s sake, he needs to be a toddler and play with his momma, that’s important!  It was so fun!  We growled a lot, acted like we were eating his play kitchen food, cooked a fake croissant for wayyyy too long (hehe), played “chase”,  read, crawled on the floor like doggies, well, you get the idea.  It was just fun.  We even took a few selfies haha!  We haven’t done that in a long time actually; we used to like every single day.  What topped it off?  While we were taking a selfie I asked him to give me a kiss, meaning on my cheek.  He leaned in towards the phone and kissed the screen because he saw my face on it.  I giggled and said, “Andrew can you kiss Momma’s cheek?”  He smiled, leaned in and softly kissed my cheek.  It was so stinkin’ cute!  He’s starting to understand me more, and trying really hard to communicate which is just adorable.  He walks around and babbles all day long!  When I ask him what a kitty says his voice gets all sweet and soft and he kind of says something like “nnnoowww”.  Unlike asking what a doggie says where he does this high pitched top of his lungs “Ruh” (ruff).  He kept hugging his stuffed monkey, calling it baby in this cute little voice and he just started kissing his stuffed animals a few days ago.  I know, I could go on forever but my point is, he’s like, super cute lately lol.

I find myself staring at those bright blue eyes a lot.  I think, I’m really going to miss this age.  I don’t want it to end.  He’s learning soooo much in such a short time.  We get to play and he gives me hugs and kisses.  He calls me Momma and he’s just plain silly.  It’s wonderful.  So wonderful.  I feel so lucky, even when we have a rough day where he hits me, throws his bowl of pasta on the floor, has a tantrum every 5 minutes and destroys his toys.  Even then, I feel lucky.  Life is so precious, I say that a lot.  It’s easy to say but sometimes hard to remember.  That’s my goal for the rest of the week.  Remember that life is precious, play with your kid, try to limit time spent on your phone (we’re all guilty), let the stupid drivers pass you going 55 in a 25 (oh my god people are so dumb), just let it go but take it all in at the same time.  That’s just my 2 cents for the day.

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Talk to you soon

 

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4

Oh, Photography. I just can’t let you go.

Here I go again.  I just can’t let it go.  Photography – you are a part of me.

After photographing my brother’s wedding, I’ve had a serious itch to get back in the business.  Weddings are a bit too stressful for me at the moment but I’ve always loved photographing people.  Portraits are perfect for me!  It’s a little slower pace yet still allows capturing that sincere smile or unspoken bond between two people.  I’m slightly addicted to editing, too.  I spent hours (literally houuuuurs) each day for almost 2 weeks editing Cale and Amanda’s wedding photos.  I had to force myself to close the computer and go to bed.  I love it!

I’m still deciding but I’ve almost made up my mind to try this whole “professional photographer” thing again.  It would just be part time and I would only do portraits.  I’m getting pretty excited!  I just feel like I need to give it another shot because I love it so much.

Once the business idea ran through my head, I immediately thought of this new thing called “Lifestyle Photography”.  It’s really not anything new but it’s become quite popular lately.  I’m in love with this style.  I’ve always loved shooting outdoors and it’s still my preference, especially since I don’t have a studio, but regardless of that, I just feel like scenery and light quality is better.  However, “better” is a personal preference.  Lifestyle photography basically means you capture your life on camera.  You know, everyday stuff.  Snuggling in bed, eating ice cream on the kitchen floor, playing with your kids in your living room, wearing your pajamas at 2 in the afternoon, anything you do on a day to day basis.  I feel like this style really romanticizes your life.  So I decided to try practicing this style with my own life, i.e. my own family.  I think they turned out wonderful.  I really do.

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I especially love this in-home style in black and white, but color is fun, too.

So what do you all think?  Should I go for it again???

Talk to you soon

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C&A Wedding Photos! 5.21.16

After I graduated college I worked with a wedding photographer in my area.  I assisted her as a second shooter for 3 or 4 years during wedding season.  She was an amazing teacher to me.  I learned so much from her and I loved working with her.  Thank you, Morgen!

Although I worked with Morgen for a few years, I’ve never photographed a wedding on my own and I’ve never helped with editing the photos.  I would always show up to wherever Morgen told me to go, she would hand me a camera and I would start shooting.  During this time, she was available to me for any questions I may have had.  It was great!  After 8 or so hours of shooting I would give her camera back to her and leave; she would take it home and process everything.  This is how we did things.

I just have to mention this…Most people don’t realize how long it takes to edit photos.  Editing is MUCH more work than actually taking the pictures…Ok, had to throw that out there! Anyway…

When I talked with my brother a few months ago about taking his (and Amanda’s) wedding photos, I was excited.  Then it hit me that I would be responsible for capturing the most memorable and special day of their lives and quickly became nervous!  After stressing for a few months, the wedding came and went and I survived!  I’m officially finished with editing the photos and I think they turned out well!  Amanda was SUCH a beautiful bride and my brother was so sweet and looked so happy.  Andrew was the ring bearer…or supposed to be…but he was Mr. Cranky Pants on the day of the wedding so he didn’t actually walk down the aisle.  That’s okay though, he still looked super cute!  Overall, the day was amazing and I’m so happy that I was able to give them their wedding gift on a flash drive!  Ha!

I mailed the flash drive to Amanda and Cale a few days ago with 275 edited photos on it.  I really hope they’re happy with them!  I won’t share all of the photos with you, because you probably don’t want to see 275 photos on one blog post, but here are some of my favorites!

I love the twinkly light spots on the knife…I must be a photographer…

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Amanda and my mom basically made all of the reception decorations.  It looked sooo beautiful!

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I bought her that hanger for her bridal shower so of course I had to make sure she used it! 😉

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That dress!! GORG!

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Her bouquet was so amazing!  She made it herself using a ton of different brooches! ❤

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Can you say flawless skin and perfect hair??

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These girls looked so freakin’ pretty!

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I always love a fun “It’s wedding day!!!!!! YAY!!!” photo.

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Had to share this one of my brother and my dad 🙂

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My handsome brother!  This is my favorite of him.

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The cool guys with the most gorgeous background!

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My verryyy tired son but isn’t he just the cutest?!

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Here comes the bride!

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Every girl wants a picture of their groom when he first sees his bride walk down the aisle.  I think Amanda will cherish this one forever.  My brother was slightly emotional, which made it even more special.  I feel like this photo says a lot about how he feels about her.

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And this photo says a lot about how she feels about him.  She looks so happy!

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That stained glass though…so beautiful!

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Pure sweetness.

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Mr. and Mrs.!!

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Set up the camera on a tripod and had someone push the button so I could be in the family photo LOL

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Bride and her flower girl.  So sweet.

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Amanda and her girls, and Xia being super silly! 🙂

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These two ❤

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Cale and his nephew, with a huge bump on his head from falling earlier…

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My Aunt made their wedding cake.  Look how gorgeous it is!

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Ding, ding, ding, time to cut the cake!

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The reception ended around 6 pm and we all went back to my parents house.  Amanda wanted a family photo outside with their fur baby Remi.  This ended up being one of my favorite wedding photos of theirs!  I’m loving the flannel, the country setting and the coziness!

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I’m thrilled to see my brother happy and I’m so glad he chose Amanda to be his wife.  Family is everything after all!

Talk to you soon

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Quick to Judge

Critics are everywhere.  I think having a judgmental bone in your body is almost natural.  That’s what we do.  That’s what society has taught us.  You judge first and learn later.  Is this right?  No, not at all.

I’ll be the first to admit that I judge people after first meeting them, heck even after first seeing them.  This isn’t always in a negative way.  Sometimes people “look” nice and this in itself is a judgement.  To judge is to form an opinion or conclusion about something or someone.  Sometimes it is negative though and this is when it’s the most hurtful.

I’ve been following the story of the mother who lost track of her 4 year old son at the zoo.  The little boy fell into a gorilla enclosure.  I’m sure most of you have heard about this fiasco as well.  My initial reaction to hearing about this was, “how the hell does a mother let this happen?”  I mean, I always have my eyes on Andrew.  I don’t trust anyone and half the time I don’t trust myself to lose sight of him.  So how did this child fall into a damn gorilla exhibit at the zoo when his mother was supposed to be watching him?

Is there something wrong with this picture?  Absolutely!  Why wasn’t I first concerned about the little boy?  Why didn’t I think to myself, “that poor mother!”  Why did I automatically assume that the mother is a bad mother because she let this happen.  She let it happen.

Man.  Is this what the world is coming to?  Have we completely lost all compassion and sensitivity for one another?  Have we lost remorse and dare I say it, love?

Let me tell you about my recent experience with my son.  Granted, this is a little different because I’m basically comparing a 19 month old to a 4 year old, and these two ages have very different developmental progressions but nonetheless they’re still children who wander.  Okay here goes:  The last two weeks or so my own son thinks it’s funny to run away from me.  He knows he isn’t supposed to do this but he doesn’t REALLY know.  He doesn’t understand why he shouldn’t run away from me.  He thinks it’s a game.  It doesn’t matter how many times I tell him no and how mad I get, he still thinks it’s fun.  The kid will literally run into the street if I set him down on the sidewalk.  He laughs and he’s fast.  He’s 19 months old but the kid is quick!  As soon as I set him down at the park he takes off.  The first time this happened it scared me.  Since then, I don’t set him down near a street.  That’s when common sense kicks in.  However, I do still let him run around at the park.  I know to watch him extra closely because I know he runs away from me but what about the “what if” scenarios.  What if I set him down and somehow get distracted for just a few seconds.  So much can happen in just a few seconds!  I try not to let this happen.  I try to focus all of my attention on him at all times, but you know what?  We’re human!  We make mistakes, and if you honestly say you haven’t taken your eyes off of your kid for a few seconds then frankly, you’re a liar.

Ok, yes a 4 year old should know right from wrong better than a 19 month old.  Yes the 4 year old should listen to his or her parents better than a 19 month old listens.  Yes parents should always keep a close eye on their kids at any age but especially when they are young, and yes 4 years old is young.  But do we really know what happened?  Do we really know how we would react to a devastating situation?  No.  We don’t know.  We won’t know until we are put in that same situation, God forbid.

Maybe this poor mother got distracted for just a few seconds and lost sight of her child.  Maybe her son was throwing a temper tantrum and ran away from her.  Maybe she walked away from him for two seconds to try and grab his balloon that he accidentally let go of.  OR, maybe she was on her phone and totally not paying attention to him.  Maybe she really is a shitty mother who wasn’t watching him and that’s why he fell into the gorilla exhibit.

My point is, we don’t know! Most of us weren’t there when all of this happened and even the people who were there probably weren’t paying attention to some random family walking around until the kid fell.  Maybe she’s a crappy mother, but maybe she isn’t.  Maybe she’s a fantastic mother.  I don’t know, neither do you, unless you know her personally.  What I do know is that if something tragic like this ever happened to me, and of course I hope it doesn’t and I’ll do my best to make sure it doesn’t, but if it does, I would reallllyyyy hope to be treated differently than this woman has been treated.  I would hope that people wouldn’t just assume the worst about me.  Tragedy occurs daily.  Kids get hit by cars all the time.  Kids run away from their parents all the time.  This is all the same.  Different locations but same type of thing.  People never think that things like this would ever happen to them, but things like this do happen.  Accidents happen.

I have no idea what kind of mother this woman is and I’m trying not to make any further judgements on this situation.  I just hope that people start feeling a little more empathy and little less judgment.  I’m going to try harder and I hope you do, too.

Note:  This post is simply about the effects of judgement.  In no way does it refer to the killing of the gorilla.

Talk to you soon

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Make your own apron!

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First off, I really do have to warn you all about my awful instructions for this post, because well, there really are none.  Sorry…I decided to write it anyway…

My best friend’s bridal shower was yesterday and I really wanted to give her something special, besides lingerie of course (hehe).  I was given a handmade apron for one of my bridal showers and I really loved it.  It’s traditional and homey.  Since I’m loving my sewing machine these days, I thought making an apron for her would be a perfect gift especially because she and her guy just bought a house a month and a half ago.

I looked up some apron sewing tutorials online but most of them were way too complicated for me.  I tried buying a pattern from Joanns but that was even more complicated.  Apparently patterns are super easy to follow, according to my mother, but looking at that fragile thing gave me anxiety.  I threw it out.  So what did I do?  Ha!  I remembered I made a really simple apron in 4H when I was like 11 years old, it was part of the one and only sewing class I took.  I dug it out of my kitchen drawer and decided I could just use that as a guide (just realized that I’ve had a rainbow apron for 17 years now…wow).  I mean, couldn’t I just lay that apron on top of my material and cut around it, leaving enough room for the hem?  Sure!  Pockets are easy too!  And gosh, I could just sew on some wide ribbon for the straps right?  Right!

That’s seriously what I did…

I know, some of you reading this are probably outraged, man I hope my mom doesn’t read this.

So I went to Joanns, excited that I had my plan in place and positive it was going to work out.  I found some awesome wine themed fabric that I thought would be perfect for the pockets and matched it with a wine colored fabric for the main part of the apron.  I got some pretty black buttons to add (I wasn’t sure where I would add them but knew I wanted them on that apron), and I threw in some nice black ribbon for the straps.  When I got it all home I ironed the fabrics and pulled out my cutting mat and rotary cutter.  I literally did what I mentioned above.  I laid down my wine colored fabric, placed my old apron on top and just sort of cut around it carefully, leaving about an inch of extra fabric on all sides.  I folded over each side of the apron twice, about a 1/2 inch each time (so using that extra 1 inch of material we left around the old apron), ironed it and pinned in place.  I sewed up the edges and voila, I had my main apron piece!  I made the pockets basically the same way, but folding over each side twice, ironing, pinning and sewing.  I then sewed them onto the apron where I thought they looked good.  Of course you only sew the bottom and two sides though, leaving the top open…you know, because it’s a pocket. 🙂  I sewed on the ribbon to each side of the top piece of the apron and trimmed it afterwards.  I also decided to make the belt strap into an actual belt looking piece so I sewed an entire piece of ribbon around the waist of the apron and left excess for the ties.  I placed the buttons where the top ties met the apron and sewed them on.  And there ya have it.  I know, this post is seriously not helpful to anyone looking to make an apron and I don’t suggest using my idea as a guide, but it actually worked out and I’m honestly surprised at how cute it turned out!  Haha!  I say this a lot in my posts and I’m positive I’ll continue saying it, it’s far from perfect!  Pictures below…

Here is the hem on the sides of the apron, after folding twice and sewing:

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The buttons on the top:

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The finished product:

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And me modeling my work:

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I hope that wasn’t TOOOO awful…

Talk to you soon

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“So, what do you do all day?”

“So, what do you do all day?”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this question (I will say that some people really have no clue and simply want to hear what my days are like).  At first, I found this question incredibly offensive, as most moms do I think.  Now?  I find it a little funny.  I also appreciate the question because it allows me to explain to that person what I actually do all day when I’m home with Andrew.  It does vary from day to day but I definitely stay busy.

Some moms don’t stay busy when they’re home with their babe.  Some moms don’t cook.  Some moms don’t clean.  Some moms put their kid in front of the TV all day instead of interacting with them.  Some moms don’t take their kid to the park because it’s too much work, or run errands for that exact reason.  Some moms get bored when they’re home with their kid.  I am not that kind of mom.  I cook dinner at least 6 nights a week and I don’t give Andrew Eggo waffles every morning for breakfast (although sooooommeeetimes I do).  I absolutely use the TV when I have to, especially when I’m trying to cook and definitely in the morning for a half hour or so before I’ve had my coffee.  I also use it if Andrew is incredibly fussy and nothing else is working.  Absolutely I do!  I love grocery shopping and I feel like I always need something from Target so Andrew and I are always out and about for a few hours.  I love taking him to the park and I make it a point to go outside at least once a day, even if it’s only a 20 minute walk around our block.

I’m not saying that I’m perfect either.  I’m not trying to toot my own horn here but I try really hard to be an “active” mommy.  Not in a workout sense, I mean staying busy with him in every aspect!

On days we go to the park we are typically there for at least an hour.  The kid LOVES playing outside so I let him.  Yes I know it’s only one hour of my day, but with driving time and packing up all his crap, it’s a little extra.  I probably do laundry once a day or at least every other day.  I don’t clean as often as I should but when I do it definitely takes an entire day.  As mentioned above, I cook our meals.  Of course I don’t cook every single meal every single day, things come up.  However, I would definitely say that I make Andrew’s breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner 90% of the time.  I make Kyle and I dinner 90% of the time.  I usually prep dinner while Andrew is taking his nap.  I usually get to shower while he takes his nap, too.  I try to do some crafts with him during the day as well.

These are just a few examples and they’re all FUN examples.  I absolutely love being home with Andrew and I would never complain about being able stay home so much, but there are definitely things people don’t realize when they ask me, “So, what do you do all day?”

What don’t people realize, specifically?  People don’t realize that trying to do laundry with a toddler is not easy.  I open the laundry room doors and Andrew is set on closing them.  I open the dryer door and Andrew thinks it’s SOOO much fun to pull out ALL of the clean clothes and throw them on the floor (it’s actually really cute!).  I sort the laundry into piles (whites, darks, colors, towels, etc.) and Andrew starts mixing them back together.  Folding the laundry usually has to wait until he’s taking his nap.  My point?  Doing a load of laundry takes a whole lot longer than you might think.

Cooking is also not easy with a toddler.  Andrew loves to watch me cook which means he always wants to be held.  I don’t like giving in all the time but I can’t handle him whining for an hour while I prepare dinner, so I hold him.  Do you know how hard it is to make dinner while holding a toddler?  For one, you can’t chop anything; you can’t use a knife period!  It’s hard to stir something in a pot using only one hand.  I could go on with this, but just know that it’s not easy.

What else?  It’s absolutely harder, or I should say takes a lot longer, to go anywhere.  I have to make sure he has a snack, water and/or milk, diapers, a clean diaper on, his shoes on (that alone is a challenge), a jacket on, a blanket just in case, my purse, his diaper bag, shopping bags since stores don’t carry them anymore and oh yeah, my shoes and jacket.  I seriously have to make a list of everything I need to take with me to go to the grocery store.  Then I have to get him in his car seat…oh my gosh that’s been interesting.  I definitely can’t “run to the store real fast” like I used to.  What you’re probably forgetting – I also have to unpack and unload when we get back home.

Cleaning the house is, you guessed it, also not easy.  He’s terrified of the vacuum so I have to wait until he’s sleeping to run it, and pray that the noise doesn’t wake him up.  Trying to dust every little knick knack doesn’t usually happen because, “Wait, Andrew, don’t touch that.”  “Andrew, get off of there.”  “Andrew, what did you just put in your mouth?”  Yep…

Basically, doing anything with a toddler requires CONSTANT attention.  It’s wonderful and frustrating at the same time.  God should really give humans two sets of eyes – one set for the “normal” daily routines, and one set for watching your kid(s).

On top of everything I “need” to do, I also have fun.  I do things for ME.  Being a mom is the best part of my life but I’m also a woman.  I love making photo books so every now and then I’ll work on one while Andrew takes a nap, and if that’s the reason I don’t get a shower then oh well.  I love DIY projects so I try to find one every now and then.  I won’t bore you with a list everything I love but I think it’s important to have “me” time every now and then.  It’s also important to have “we” time.  If you play all day long with your kid and don’t do the 3 loads of laundry that you were planning on doing, oh well!  Who cares?  You’re doing the absolute best thing you could ever do, you’re being a MOM!  Let him interrupt you while you’re trying to do the dishes so that he can show you his sock, and dang it give him the biggest smile possible to show him that you LOVE his sock!  Be present more than anything else.

So what do I (normally) do all day?  I chase my kid around and tell him “no” a lot….probably too much.  I get out of the house for a while because we BOTH need it.  I try to keep him safe, constantly.  I feed him real food (most of the time).  I cook, I clean (sometimes), I shower (again, sometimes), I forgot to mention that I bathe him (yes I forget a lot of shit), I do our grocery shopping, I change a lot of diapers, I run to Target, I go to the bank, I pay all of our bills, I play with my son (blocks, trucks, bikes, golf, etc.), I do whatever else I “need” to do all while praising the leaf he just brought me, and I/we have fun.  That’s what I do.  You’d probably be surprised how long things take when you have a toddler.  Some days, I don’t shower because I just don’t have time and some days I actually get to sit down and watch TV while I eat lunch.  Every day is different and every day is a blessing.  Please don’t assume that all moms take their days for granted and/or watch soap operas all day long.  Most don’t, some do, and all are still trying to figure this whole “mom” thing out.  There ya have it!  A (too) detailed description of my wonderful “day in the life of Hailey”.

Talk to you soon

 

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Epidural or not?

When I got pregnant with Andrew I had already decided that I wasn’t going to get an epidural.  I wanted to give birth all natural.  However, I did try to convince myself that if the day came and I reallllyyy wanted one then it was okay to get one but I just really wanted to do it on my own.  I guess it just comes down to pride.  I figured, if women 50 years ago didn’t use an epidural then I didn’t need one.  I also wanted that satisfaction; an achievement really.  I was a little worried about how safe it was, too.  I know I know, women use epidurals like 80% of the time these days and everything turns out okay, but I don’t know, I was a little scared.  The idea of basically being paralyzed gave me the creeps.  I honestly felt ashamed for even thinking about getting an epidural.  It’s totally ridiculous but that’s how I felt!  I swear when I talked about it with older women, they treated an epidural like it was this horrible drug.  “Oh come on, you don’t need one!  I didn’t use one!”   Then they would talk about how horrible the pain was.  I would sit there and listen to their stories and feel my anxiety start to build.  I never understood why they did that.  Can’t you just lie a little?  Are you TRYING to scare me?  This was my first baby!  I knew it was going to be painful but I had never experienced this before and didn’t really know what to expect.  Why would someone want to make the experience even scarier for a first time mom?  I’m glad they talked like that though.  Now I know what NOT to talk about with a first time preggo woman, or even women without kids but planning on having them.  Yes it sucks and yes it’s painful, but you get through it.  You can do it!  How about we talk about how wonderful it is to hold your baby for the first time?  Or how quickly the pain goes away right when that baby leaves your body?  How about that?

Sorry.  I went on a little rant there.

I’ve been thinking a lot about our next baby (no I’m not preggo).  We know we want 2 kids so I’m proooobably going to be pregnant again in the near future.  This sounds terrible but I’m really not looking forward to being pregnant again.  I love Andrew so much and I can’t wait to have another child.  Having a baby is the best decision we’ve ever made and I wouldn’t change it for anything.  BUT, I definitely prefer my not-pregnant self.  That being said, it’s going to happen (or at least I hope) and that is such a blessing.

So then there’s the second birth.  I’m back to this epidural debate.  Do I have an answer this time around?  Why thank you for asking, and yes I do.  I’m saying YES to the epidural!  Ha!  I’ve done it once without one and that’s all the accomplishment I need in my life.  There is something available to me to make the labor and delivery experience virtually enjoyable.  One friend even told me she had a nice conversation with her nurse while she was pushing…what?!  How is that possible?

Now, again, I would never want to scare any future mommas out there who want to do it all natural.  You can absolutely do it.  The pain only lasts for like 24 hours of your life, that’s a very small amount of time in your long life!

With our next kid though, I’m getting one.  Is it weird that I’m a little worried about being embarrassed about giving birth using one though?  I keep thinking about actually being coherent for the delivery and, you know, hearing everything and seeing everyone’s reaction to certain bodily fluids escaping my body.  I keep picturing the look on Kyle’s face if and when he looks at the head.  With Andrew’s birth, I remember Kyle looking but seriously didn’t care.  I was so out of it for the entire process.  I didn’t care about anything, I just wanted that baby out of me.  With our next one, if I do get an epidural, I’m worried I’ll be TOO aware.  I’d almost rather not hear or see or remember anything haha, you know what I mean?  Ugh, whatever.  That’s silly I know.  Regardless of all that, I still want to get one.  I just hope I’m able to!

So there’s my story.  I’m not giving advice and I’m not trying to sway people one way or the other.  I’m just sharing my decision.  Now I’m starting to worry about other things like a new kind of exhaustion with a baby AND a toddler…and I’m not even pregnant!  My mind is crazy sometimes.

Talk to you soon