Grateful

It’s 10:30 p.m. and you’re exhausted.  You lay down in bed and melt into your bedsheets.  You have to be up at 6 a.m., because that’s when your little one wakes up.  Just as you are about to fall asleep the baby monitor makes that crying noise, oh wait, that’s your son making the crying noise.  Your eyes burn as you open them to push the button on the monitor.  Your son is sitting up, oh no he’s sitting up, this isn’t a good sign.  He’s sick, he has a bad cold and you feel for him but you just want to go to sleep.  You spent all day comforting him, trying to get him to eat something even though his stuffy nose makes it hard for him to breathe, telling him no about a million times for hitting you, etc. etc. etc.  He doesn’t feel well but in a way, neither do you.

Go back to sleep, baby.  It’s okay.  You’re okay.  Go back to sleep.

You stare at the monitor, feeling guilty for wishing him back to sleep instead of wanting to go comfort him.  You DO want to comfort him.  You wish you could go hold him and fall asleep together peacefully, how nice that would be.  That would create a different set of problems though, so you don’t.  Instead you hold your breath and hope he finds his own peace.  Just go to sleep baby.

5 minutes later his head touches the sheet and you know you’re in the clear.  Awwhhh, thank you.

You wake up at 5:50…come on kid I’m supposed to get 10 more minutes.  Oh well.  5:50 it is.  He whines for you.  Your day has begun.

You pick up that little ball of jammies holding his 3 blankies and take him downstairs where you set him on the couch, turn on some cartoons and fetch his milk.

As the day goes on, you look at him in two different ways.  You look at him and see a beautiful little creature.  You made him.  He’s yours.  He’s amazing and wonderful and your heart can’t even love him any more than it already does, it’s so full.  As you’re thinking this he comes over and slaps you across your face.  What just happened?

You put him in time-out because nothing else seems to work.  Time-out doesn’t seem to work either.  You leave him there for a few minutes.  You sit down in silence and breathe.  Just breathe.  He loves you.  He loves you but he’s a toddler.  He isn’t mean, he’s just going through a phase.  How do you stop this though?  Why is he hitting?

These two feelings continue to challenge you throughout the day; two feelings of gratitude and sadness, mostly gratitude.

You love your son more than anything but you haven’t quite figured out how to discipline him yet.  This too shall pass.

Tomorrow’s a new day.  Tonight is a new night.  Tonight you will sink into your bedsheets and hope to get a goodnight’s sleep so you can wake up in the morning with a positive and fresh attitude.  You’re doing great, momma.  Sometimes being a parent is hard, but it’s still the most magical gift.  You’re grateful.  You’re so grateful.  Your son is amazing and learning from you in every moment, and he’s grateful, too.

Goodnight!

Talk to you soon

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