When I got pregnant with Andrew I had already decided that I wasn’t going to get an epidural. I wanted to give birth all natural. However, I did try to convince myself that if the day came and I reallllyyy wanted one then it was okay to get one but I just really wanted to do it on my own. I guess it just comes down to pride. I figured, if women 50 years ago didn’t use an epidural then I didn’t need one. I also wanted that satisfaction; an achievement really. I was a little worried about how safe it was, too. I know I know, women use epidurals like 80% of the time these days and everything turns out okay, but I don’t know, I was a little scared. The idea of basically being paralyzed gave me the creeps. I honestly felt ashamed for even thinking about getting an epidural. It’s totally ridiculous but that’s how I felt! I swear when I talked about it with older women, they treated an epidural like it was this horrible drug. “Oh come on, you don’t need one! I didn’t use one!” Then they would talk about how horrible the pain was. I would sit there and listen to their stories and feel my anxiety start to build. I never understood why they did that. Can’t you just lie a little? Are you TRYING to scare me? This was my first baby! I knew it was going to be painful but I had never experienced this before and didn’t really know what to expect. Why would someone want to make the experience even scarier for a first time mom? I’m glad they talked like that though. Now I know what NOT to talk about with a first time preggo woman, or even women without kids but planning on having them. Yes it sucks and yes it’s painful, but you get through it. You can do it! How about we talk about how wonderful it is to hold your baby for the first time? Or how quickly the pain goes away right when that baby leaves your body? How about that?
Sorry. I went on a little rant there.
I’ve been thinking a lot about our next baby (no I’m not preggo). We know we want 2 kids so I’m proooobably going to be pregnant again in the near future. This sounds terrible but I’m really not looking forward to being pregnant again. I love Andrew so much and I can’t wait to have another child. Having a baby is the best decision we’ve ever made and I wouldn’t change it for anything. BUT, I definitely prefer my not-pregnant self. That being said, it’s going to happen (or at least I hope) and that is such a blessing.
So then there’s the second birth. I’m back to this epidural debate. Do I have an answer this time around? Why thank you for asking, and yes I do. I’m saying YES to the epidural! Ha! I’ve done it once without one and that’s all the accomplishment I need in my life. There is something available to me to make the labor and delivery experience virtually enjoyable. One friend even told me she had a nice conversation with her nurse while she was pushing…what?! How is that possible?
Now, again, I would never want to scare any future mommas out there who want to do it all natural. You can absolutely do it. The pain only lasts for like 24 hours of your life, that’s a very small amount of time in your long life!
With our next kid though, I’m getting one. Is it weird that I’m a little worried about being embarrassed about giving birth using one though? I keep thinking about actually being coherent for the delivery and, you know, hearing everything and seeing everyone’s reaction to certain bodily fluids escaping my body. I keep picturing the look on Kyle’s face if and when he looks at the head. With Andrew’s birth, I remember Kyle looking but seriously didn’t care. I was so out of it for the entire process. I didn’t care about anything, I just wanted that baby out of me. With our next one, if I do get an epidural, I’m worried I’ll be TOO aware. I’d almost rather not hear or see or remember anything haha, you know what I mean? Ugh, whatever. That’s silly I know. Regardless of all that, I still want to get one. I just hope I’m able to!
So there’s my story. I’m not giving advice and I’m not trying to sway people one way or the other. I’m just sharing my decision. Now I’m starting to worry about other things like a new kind of exhaustion with a baby AND a toddler…and I’m not even pregnant! My mind is crazy sometimes.