Andrew is asleep and Kyle is watching a basketball game, so of course I’m bored. I go on Facebook and come across a sweet face that I sometimes forget about – Kylie.
I followed Kylie’s story from the get go. I believe it was her mom who started a Facebook page for her titled, “Prayers for Kylie, God’s little Warrior”. Kylie was diagnosed with Stage 4 neuroblastoma at only 19 months old and it all started with a trip to the doctor because of a swollen eye. She had dozens of tumors all over her body and lesions on her bones which caused bone damage. The cancer also spread to her bone marrow. This little girl went through numerous rounds of chemo and endured unspeakable amounts of pain. Through it all, her mom says that she always had a smile on her face. Kylie fought this horrid disease for 13 months and passed at only 2 1/2 years old.
Kylie’s mom posted videos and pictures almost daily of their journey as a family. Kylie touched so many hearts, mine included. She was such a beautiful little girl with blue eyes and blonde hair…just like Andrew’s. I know these types of stories pull at your heartstrings no matter who you are, but I found myself aching, literally aching and I think it’s because I’m a somewhat “new” mother. Not only that, my baby isn’t, or wasn’t, too much younger than Kylie. Sometimes I would watch a video of that sweet girl with tubes in her body and swollen skin and I would cry. I would see pictures of her before she was diagnosed and I would cry. I would see pictures or watch the videos of she and her mom and dad and that reaaaaallly got me going. Why is life so unfair sometimes?
I pray to God every night, well almost every night. I always say the same thing. I thank God for all that I have, especially the people in my life. I apologize for all of my wrongdoings and ask for forgiveness. I promise to try harder tomorrow to be a better person. I do the whole “God bless Andrew, God Bless Kyle…” etc. I pray and ask that God keeps me and my loved ones safe, happy and healthy and seriously beg him to make sure nothing bad ever happens to Andrew. Now, I’m a realist. I know that people die and bad things happen and that’s just a part of life. I know that but I still don’t understand it. I’ve never really had to deal with any sort of tragedy and the thought of something bad happening scares me to the point of anxiety. I told Kyle the other day that I have a scared mind. I just love my family and friends so much and I love life. I would give up everything I have if it meant that my loved ones remained safe. I just have a hard time imagining being Kylie’s mother. I see a picture of Kylie and her momma and the picture turns into Andrew and I. He has his arms around my neck as I bend over his body in his hospital bed to hug him. My face is in that sweet little spot between his neck and shoulder. I’m smelling his soft hair and hearing his precious breath. His little hands are on the back of my head. I can’t get that picture out of my mind.
I cannot imagine losing Andrew, I really can’t. I’m not sure I could be as strong as Kylie’s momma.
How does someone go on after something like this? How does that poor woman cope? Her words are always so positive and I hope she finds comfort in sharing her story. Sometimes it really does help to just write it down, get it all out on paper…or on a computer.
Kylie’s parents recently gave birth to a little boy just months after Kylie’s passing. Her mom says that he was a gift from Kylie. I’m so happy for them. I’m so touched that they shared their story and made me realize how special life is. I’m happy that they inspired others to live life to the fullest and to be grateful.
Kylie’s story will forever be in my heart. I often say a prayer for her parents. I only write this to wish them peace and happiness, and to encourage others to be thankful for their loved ones. The heart is an amazing part of our body and it holds your loved ones in it, both those on Earth and those in Heaven. Tonight I won’t ask God for anything, I’ll only thank him.