He chose me today

Andrew loves daycare and he loves the daycare Owner, let’s call her P.  For the last 6 months or so he loves it so much that he doesn’t want to leave.  I walk in the door after working all day and he doesn’t want to come to me, he wants to stay with P.  Sometimes he will even cry when he sees me walk in, probably because he knows he has to leave.  When I drop him off in the morning he runs to P with open arms and smiles like he’s been dying to get there.  When I leave for work and wave goodbye to him, he acts like I don’t exist.  It’s like he’s thinking, “Yeah, yeah, go away”.  I know he’s just over a year old and this means nothing, he’s just a baby.  But I’ve mentioned before how much it hurts my feelings.  It’s crazy when I really think about it.  I’m his momma and of course he loves me, but my heart sinks when he doesn’t want to come home with me.  I’m not a bad mother, Andrew.  I love you and I’m fun, too.  Wahhhh, poor me!

Today I dropped him off at P’s and when I was walking to the door to leave, he ran to me.  He was whining like he didn’t want me to go.  I looked at P and we were both confused.  It had only been a week, what was going on?  I picked him up and gave him a big hug.  I found a toy and tried distracting him.  As he was playing with the toy I snuck out of the living room and began walking to the door again.  He noticed that I was leaving and again ran to me whining.  This time P picked him up and I waved goodbye to him.  I could hear him start to cry as I walked out the door.

Is this what I wanted?  I won’t lie, it felt great to be wanted but this might actually be worse.  I’m leaving my baby crying for me.  Ugh, maybe I do want him to love it there after all.  I just want him to be happy.  I guess this is what I asked for but I also realized what really matters.  He can love me and he can love P at the same time, both are positives.  Maybe he was trying to reassure me :).  The point is this:  he can love daycare and I can still be a good mommy.

Talk to you soon

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