Worst mom ever?

Warning:  slightly graphic pictures at the end of this post…

Do you ever feel like you’re the worst mom on the planet?  I think guilt goes hand in hand with being a mom, but sometimes you feel something more than guilt, something horrible…sometimes you feel fear.

Yesterday was a nice little Saturday.  Kyle and I have both been sick the last few days but we were hanging in there, playing with A and I was making out my grocery list.  Andrew was in the kitchen with me playing with this one particular cabinet he likes. Every time he goes into the kitchen he heads straight for this one cabinet and plays with the door.  I’ve always watched him and he’s been good with it.  Today he opened it and he grabbed his normal container out of there that he likes to chew on and started chowin’.  All of a sudden he slips (probably because his footed jammies don’t have any traction on our tile floor) and falls face first to the ground.  I hear a loud thump and I see that his forehead is resting on the bottom edge of the cabinet shelf.  He immediately starts screaming so I pick him up just as I have every other time he has fallen (of course its been numerous times…he’s trying to walk already!).  When I turn him over to look at him, he has blood all over his forehead and it’s coming out really fast, and there was a lot of it!  I start to freak out a little, call for Kyle to get me a towel or something and I lay him down on our tile floor.  The blood is dripping all over the floor and it’s starting to run down his face and to the back of his head.  I can see the gash and it doesn’t look good…it looks pretty darn bad.  Kyle looks at it and I know he’s thinking the same thing.  So we get him cleaned up (sort of), I grab a few bandaids from my purse just to try to keep the wound shut, and I tell Kyle we need to take him to the ER because I think he needs stitches.  He agrees, gets the car seat ready and we were out the door in less than 5 minutes.  As we are walking to the car, I lose it.  I’m crying and saying how awful of a mother I am!  Kyle reassured me, as any good husband would do, and says it was just an accident and it could happen to anyone.  It didn’t make me feel better though, my baby was hurt and I was standing right there!  I didn’t/couldn’t do anything!  I’m telling you it’s the worst feeling in the world to see your child hurt and you can’t help him.  I cried the whole drive to the hospital.  Luckily we are only about a 10 minute drive (at most) to the hospital ER.  When we arrived, we did the normal check-in procedure and had to wait about 45 minutes in the waiting room.  I was a little surprised because he’s a baby, wouldn’t that mean we get priority or something?  I guess not…I know I know, there are other people there worse off than Andrew but he’s my baby!  Anyway, I won’t bore you with ALL of the details, just a few.  Once in our room, the doctor came in and said he would indeed need stitches or this “glue” stuff which is basically a liquid stitch.  We got lucky and got the “glue” stitches so he didn’t have to get sewn up.  I told the doctor I couldn’t deal with real stitches.  I couldn’t watch the procedure or hold my baby down so we needed the glue.  The doctor told me that the glue tends to scar a little worse but he said Andrew was going to scar either way so it probably didn’t matter.  I’m sorry Andrew, I’ll rub Vitamin E oil on that scar every single day, but I just couldn’t hold you down and watch a doctor use a needle to sew up your forehead!  So they glued him up, we left and went home.  I’m so glad my baby is going to be okay but man, I STILL feel like the worst mom ever!  I know it can happen to anyone and accidents happen all the time (especially with boys I’ve been hearing UGH), but can’t I just wrap the kid in bubble wrap, never leave his side, and have a doctor live next door?  You know, just in case?  I guess I have to accept the fact that he’s a little boy who gets into everything and he’s going to have accidents and there will be times when he gets hurt and we just have to keep him calm and let him know that everything is going to be okay.  I just love him so much and I would die if anything truly bad happened to him.  Okay, enough enough enough, he’s fine and we will make up a much better story in a few years about how he got that scar. 🙂

Oh and that grocery list I was making…lets just say we might go out for donuts this morning and I’ll shop later.  Donuts make everyone feel better right? (Don’t worry I’m not going to give my 9 month old a donut…)

Okay, slightly graphic pictures now (not that bad, but I know some people are nuts about a little blood)…*He was in a great mood while we were waiting for the doc, until the doc touched his gash!*

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All we can do is our best.  We just need to breathe, stay as calm as we can, and when baby goes to sleep that night, pour ourselves a giant glass of wine! 🙂

Talk to you soon

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One thought on “Worst mom ever?

  1. Awe. . . Poor little man. But babies are so resilient and bounce back so quickly. He looked like he was good spirits in a few pictures. We have all had our moments including myself. We did something similar when my baby cut his lip open. It bled sooo much. . . It looked worse than it really was.

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